Tuesday, January 1, 2008

Still

It still happens. Mornings that I awake to a sense of uncertainty. A vague uneasiness that wafts its way into my day. A cloud of self-doubt that hovers over me, encircling every thought. And as I kneeled on my floor earlier, I knew I must confess this return of insecurity. I didn't want the disquiet of my soul to be how I started this year.

I was taken back to a memory that was made just short of four years ago. It was a warm April afternoon and my Mom wanted to go out on the front porch. My father and I carried her and helped her into a small lawn chair. She had been diagnosed with lung cancer just two months earlier, leaving her frail and weak. As she sat on the chair, I sat on the step below, leaning my head against her knee. She gently scratched my head. I can still hear the crackling sound as my hair moved about on my scalp. The sun, peeking through the canopy of trees, poured it's warmth down on my head, increasing with the every touch of my mom's hands. I remember the profound sense that pounded in me "remember this Kim, don't let this memory go un-marked". It was such a time of uncertainty. I realized that this could be one of the last times that my Mom would be my Mom. That she would be mothering me. Comforting me. Touching me. Me, her little girl, sitting at her feet. No words were spoken. It was just the stillness of the moment. A peace permeated through the uncertainty as I sat there just being her child. It is a treasure I will always cherish.

And so as I knelt at the foot of the bed this morning, the Lord reminded me of the peace and certainty He offers. If I will just sit at His feet. In the stillness of the moment. Just being His child.

Psalm 46:10-11 "Be still, and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth." The LORD Almighty is with us; the God of Jacob is our fortress. Selah

Praise HIM!

21 comments:

Angie said...

Praise Him who is a Father to the fatherless. What a beautiful tribute to your mother and our Lord. (((hug)))

Wanda said...

What a beautiful reflection on life and your Mother and your sensitivity to the Heavenly Father in your life.
I have been blessed by your visits and comments this year.

A year ago Oct. we cared for my brother in law in his last stages of Lung Cancer. My heart and prayers are with you dear one.

Kim S in SC said...

angie: Thanks for the hug! what a blessing you and your beautiful writing have been to me!

Wanda: Thank you for visiting tonight! I thank you for your prayers. I can always count on your posts to make me smile!

A Woman Who is: said...

That was a precious blog. Yep, I admit it, tears in my eyes. Lost my mom to cancer 18 years ago, and still miss her so much. I loved your post, spoke directly to my heart. I have been asking God what is He saying to me this New Year and that was it! Be still and know that He is God!
Thanks for sharing.

Kim S in SC said...

A Woman who is: What a great God! I'm so thankful the Lord used these words to speak to you. Thank you! May the stillness with HIM bring you peace through the year! Praise HIM!
Kim

Gardener Greg said...

I am so glad that you had that special moment, You will have that memory forever. I have been blessed by meeting you Kim and wish you as much peace as you have given me.

Kim S in SC said...

Greg: Thank you! Happy New Year!

LAUREN at Faith Fuel- said...

I still have my Mom with me- and I'm going to go over to her house tomorrow and hug her extra long and hard. Then as she strokes my hair, I'll remember to remember the moment.

Kim S in SC said...

give her a hug for me!

Wanda said...

Speaking of smiling....I had to laugh at your comment today about the motivation to do the dirty dishes in the sink.....I have them in my sink now too, but do I post that....NO...only what looks good!!!
You are a dear blogger friend and I love your comments.

Susan Kelly Skitt said...

What a lovely memory Kim and a special time with your Mom. It must have been comforting and difficult all wrapped up in one.

Being still isn't easy, but oh, how wonderful it is when it happens. Our God gives us peace. I love Psalm 46. Be still... God Almighty is with us! Thanks for sharing that with us.

And thanks too, for your lovely comment at my site :)

Vicki said...

Wow. I came here to thank you for your comment at my blog and I was instantly bowled over by this very moving post. I've lost both my parents to cancer in recent years, so I immediately felt drawn by your words. Thank you so much.

God bless you.

Macromoments said...

Kim, I lost my mom four years ago also, and my dad died two years later. They had been married almost six decades.

I, too, remember times when God tapped my shoulder and whispered, "Pay attention...remember this moment." Those memories are more precious than anything now--freeze-framed moments I'll treasure forever.

Thanks for writing from your heart.

Barbara said...

What a beautiful post Kim and you write so well. How blessed you are to have such a wonderful memory.

Gardener Greg said...

Sing out Kim. Praise the Lord. Eagerly waiting on your next post.

Anonymous said...

Intresting stuff, I love your writing keep it up!

Chris Jones - http://www.inspirationalexperiences.org

Heather said...

What a treasured memory. Thank you for sharing. Also, thank you for praying for the wedding. It was beautiful.

Angie said...

Just checkin on you. Praying for you...

YSIC,
Angie

Kim S in SC said...

Wanda, Susan, Vicki, Macromoments, Barbara, Chris, and Heather: Thank you so much for posting your comments. What a great God we serve and worship. I'm sorry for the delayed response to your comments, my computer has been down and out.
Angie and Greg: I'm glad to be back. Looking forward to reading all your posts!
I'll be visiting all of you!

Christine said...

Beautiful words. What a moment to chersih forever. Don't moms have just that special touch that we need?

Kim S in SC said...

Christine: Thank you so much for visiting today. Yes, Moms do have that special touch! Praise HIM!

"Weighting" on the Lord

Let this be a place of encouragement for you in your own walk!